What happens when your person dies?
When your life falls apart?
Well. You keep going. You don't really have a choice, ya know?
We're a group of all genders who have been through loss, and are seeing each other through life.
We started the Hot Young Widows Club over brunch after our husbands died in 2014. We didn't want a support group, we wanted something else. A place where we could be our weird, wonderful, widowed selves without judgment.
Turns out, a lot of other people wanted the same thing. Lots of people. Not just women. Not just married people. Since then, we've grown into an online community of over 2,000 people who have lost their partner. We've coordinated meet-ups in different cities, and created a judgment-free zone for widows to get and give the support they need.
We're here to make sure the Hot Young Widows Club is a sustainable endeavor, that can grow to meet the needs of our current members, and to be there for the people who need us in the future.
We're the best club you'll never want to join, and we'd like to keep it that way.
HYWC: What We’re All About:
Welcome to the Hot Young Widows Club. We sure wish you weren’t here, but we’re glad you found us.
We exist to provide comfort and support for people who have lost their significant others: husbands, wives, girlfriends, boyfriends, partners…
We use an inclusive definition of the word “widow,” meaning some people in our group may be divorced, or were not married. We can all learn from and support one another, even if our situations are different. The group is limited to people who shared a romantic bond with their person (e.g. this is not the group for people who have lost a child, or have lost a sibling), but if it bothers you that a person could be in the group that wasn’t ever married to their person? This might not be the group for you.
This group is not a replacement for therapy, or professional guidance. It is an online support group meant to encourage and inspire.
The group as a whole has no political or religious affiliation, and welcomes people from all walks of life. Remember that while your religious and political associations form your viewpoint, this is not a place for that viewpoint.
The group membership will always ebb and flow. Welcome new people like you wanted to be welcomed.
By being in the group, you agree to operate according to these rules. You can be removed from the group at any time, but we really really hate to do that.
They’re pretty simple:
Be nice or leave. If you insult someone, or make them feel unwelcome or unsafe, you will be removed from the group.
Assume good intent. Read comments in a kind tone of voice, and assume they are coming from a good place. Comment wars have never solved a single thing.
Remember that hurt people tend to hurt people. Then don’t do that.
Don’t compare. None of us have it “better” or “worse” than the other. Comparing our grief is a useless exercise that does nothing but rob us of empathy for one another, and compassion for ourselves.
We agree to disagree. We know it’s impossible to fully understand the scope of our experience through a few Facebook posts, and we give each other grace and the benefit of the doubt. When we don’t like someone? We exercise our right to scrollll on by. When we really don’t like someone? We hide all their posts. Phew! That was easy.
We trust that the things shared in this group are shared in confidence, and should be treated as confidential. We keep them in our hearts, but don’t let them leave this group. If you do this, you will be removed from the group.
We don’t should on one another. Wids have plenty of people telling us what we SHOULD do. Unless someone asks for advice, try to be a really good and supportive listener.
Will we all agree, 100% of the time? Of course not! Are we all going to be friends? Statistically, that seems unlikely. Still, we are able to come together in these groups because of our common loss, and the common need to try our best to make this loss experience easier for one another.
We know that we won’t all be friends, and that’s okay. We still love each other, even though we don’t like each other.
None of us are experts at this. We’re all just damaged humans doing our best.
We love you,
Moe and Nora
WANT TO JOIN THE HYWC? Click here to be added to our top-secret group.
Follow us on our PUBLIC Instagram account @hotyoungwidowsclub to read our WIDOW OF THE WEEK series. Each week one of our members takes over our Instagram. They share their story in their way. Do you want to be a Widow of the week? Sign up by emailing us, but remember our Instagram is PUBLIC so anyone can read it!