What happens when your person dies?
When your life falls apart?
Well. You keep going. You don't really have a choice, ya know?
We're a group of women (and men!) who have been through loss, and are seeing each other through life.
We started the Hot Young Widows Club over brunch after our husbands died in 2014. We didn't want a support group, we wanted something else. A place where we could be our weird, wonderful, widowed selves without judgment.
Turns out, a lot of other people wanted the same thing. Lots of people. Not just women. Not just married people. Since then, we've grown into an online community of over 2,000 people who have lost their partner. We've coordinated meet-ups in different cities, and created a judgment-free zone for widows to get and give the support they need.
We're here to make sure the Hot Young Widows Club is a sustainable endeavor, that can grow to meet the needs of our current members, and to be there for the people who need us in the future.
We're the best club you'll never want to join, and we'd like to keep it that way.
HYWC: What We’re All About:
Welcome to the Hot Young Widows Club. We’re sorry you’re here, but glad you found us. We exist to provide comfort and support for people who have lost their significant others: husbands, wives, girlfriends, boyfriends, partners... Our group includes people of all genders, ages, and orientations, from around the country and around the world.
We are here for all the nitty-gritty reality of grief, to be with you as you feel all the feelings. Platitudes and white-washing grief hurt more than they help, in our experience. There may be cussing. There may be ranting. There will be agony and honesty and acceptance. There will be joking, because humor is the saving grace of grief. Here are some of our core values and good grief rules:
None of us has it “better” or “worse” than the other. Comparing our griefs is a useless exercise that does nothing but rob us of empathy for one another and compassion for ourselves.
Grief brings us together, amid all our differences. Are we all going to be friends? Statistically, that seems unlikely. Still, we are able to come together in these groups because of our common loss, and the common need to try our best to make widowhood easier for one another and ourselves.
We don’t “should” on one another. Wids have plenty of people telling us what we SHOULD do. Unless someone asks for advice, try to be a really good and supportive listener. We know there’s no one way to grieve. We’re all at different stages, from different backgrounds. Some of us have found new relationships, and some of us never will. Sometimes our grief feels miles away, and then bam! Hits us like a ton of bricks. You can share your experience, but don’t tell anyone else what they should do.
We agree to disagree. We know it’s impossible to fully understand the scope of our experience through a few Facebook posts, and we give each other grace and the benefit of the doubt. When we don’t like someone? We exercise our right to scroll on by. When we really don’t like someone? We hide all their posts. Phew! That was easy.
We contact our admins when we’re concerned about something or someone, but we don’t engage in comment wars. We trust that the things shared in this group are shared in confidence, and should be treated as confidential. We keep them in our hearts, but don’t let them leave this group.
We don’t judge each other. None of us can really know the agony the other person is feeling and what their struggle entails. Lots of us thought we had it all figured out, until grief pulverized us to bits. If grief teaches us anything, it is that the world can be seen and lived from an entirely different perspective than what we thought was normal and right. No judgment. Compassion and grace instead.
No soliciting. We want this to be a safe space where everyone can come to share their feelings without feeling pressure of any kind. Compassion in any and all forms is welcome, but soliciting -- trying to sell something or asking for goods or money -- is not allowed.
We know that we won’t all be friends, and that’s okay. We still love each other, even if we may not like each other. None of us is an expert at this. We’re all just damaged humans doing our best. The best thing any of us found, when we found one another, is that we are not alone in this. We’ve got you!
We love you,
MOE and NORA
WANT TO JOIN THE HYWC? Click here to be added to our top-secret Facebook group.
Follow us on our PUBLIC Instagram account @hotyoungwidowsclub to read our WIDOW OF THE WEEK series. Each week one of our members takes over our Instagram. They share their story in their way. Do you want to be a Widow of the week? Sign up by emailing us, but remember our Instagram is PUBLIC so anyone can read it!
And become a Patreon to support the HOT YOUNG WIDOWS CLUB so we can do more.